To fight or not to fight?

To fight or not to fight?

In the gospel of Matthew, it states that  Blessed are the peace makers... 

Blessed are the meek who will inherit the kingdom

Also in one of the Corinthians scriptures it states that it is not good that Christians sue each other as it gives a poor or bad testimony of the church.

But what happens when a Christian dies not abide by the scriptures? 

Does it mean I just get another slap on the cheek and live with it?

As a Christian, do I allow those who abuse and challenge me to continue? 

I feel, I believe, I know that there is a way to be peaceful, respectful but yet responsibly assertive in putting a stop to the injustice I have endured.  The way is the courts. The same weapon used against me. The laws have been a tool used against me.  The laws are available and disposable for me as we'll and any one else.  The question left in my mind is... Is  Going to court Christian? Christ-like? 

Yes! 

In this case I am not abusing but defending and exercising my right to advocate for my legal right to recover some things that were taken from me. 

I live with many regrets.  I want to resolve some of these in court...
What are they do you ask? 

Get your calculator ready!!

I have 80 days with my daughter a year.

I pay over $675 in child support.

I pay $900.00 a month in alimony for 8 years (5 more to go, total of $86,400)

Paid 50% of my retirement to my ex wife ($3,000)

Paid 50% of my IRA savings ($2500) 

Paid $3000 into my daughters college fund

The ex wife kept my $51,000 in savings 

Kept the paid off SUV 

Oh! Also my 5 bedroom house... For her and my daughter

As a church companion of my Ex stated in court... This is restitution for what you did... Out outrage!!! RESTITUTION???  They can not even spell that word!!

What was I able to keep for me after all of that?

I kept $32,000 in debt.

No where to live

No friends since the Ex slandered me

My compact car (thankfully it was paid off)

I had to pick up my clothes from the front drive way of the house. Had to tell some ladies to stop looking through my stuff thinking my stuff were freebies.

All my personal items were given to charity.

Had to pay her utilities, mortgage and food for 9 months and in Arizona during the summer Electricity is expensive!! 

To top off the list... My daughter was telling me I was going to hell and that I had abandoned her because her mom told her. 

Am I entitled to my restitution? 

At this point in time, I have made my soul searching and I am not bitter about this. I just want something... A little something that has been taken from me. 

I want to get reimbursed for my personals and mileage I spend picking up my daughter at a school 28 miles from the town we live in.  

This is not over the top! It is reasonable. 

No act of vengeance here.  

Just looking for justice!

Open Letter to My Felicity!!

It has been 813 days since I left your house.  It has been a long time since you went through the shock of seeing your father leave the only home you ever had and watch your mother cry and finding no consolation in her arms.  All you found was anger and blame in her arms.  Part of me wants to say rightfully so but not today.

My little girl I love you.  I left because your mother was abusive and controlling of many things.  I am so sorry that I had to do this.  But in looking back it is far less difficult to live this way than to see me argue and argue and argue with your mother and watch her hitting me and doing aggressive things to me like throwing things at me.  Your mother denies it but you remember things, I know that you do.

I do not want you to grow thinking that it is ok to hit and abuse your husband like her.  

I miss you tonight mamita!!!.  I want to be with you and watch you go to sleep and try to answer your never ending questions. why? Why? Why? I miss your laughter and the way that you struggle to fall asleep.  I miss you.  I miss you and it hurts.  

Today your mom told me she is taking you to California.  I am not going to see you on Thursday.  I will have to wait ten long days until I see you.  I remember what you said to me last Saturday.  You said that I am not there for you because when you come over I am not here because I have to work.  

That really hurt my heart looking at your little face as you tried to hold back the tears and tell me I am not there for you.  I do not want you to feel that way.  I am so in pain to see you like that.  I have no one to express my thoughts and pain. Who will listen that will understand me.  This is why I am writing this open letter to you so that one day you can see it and read it and know that I love you and suffered because you are not here with me.

It is not right that while I have to go work, you are in strangers homes because your mother is also working.  It is not fair that when I need to see you  I have to wait for my days to come and then I have to go to work.

Life will not be this way for ever.  I will do my best to get closer and closer to you.  I will keep trying even if I die trying I will be closer to you.  I know that you  understand that I am the very thing you need to make you feel safe and taken care of.  I want to be there and be your hero.  I love you mamita!!!  I miss you my princess.  I will never stop working to be the father you need.  Even if it meas that I have to fight with your mother.  

Today you think your mother is the only person that buys you things.  Little does your mom tell you that I pay her a nifty amount of money to provide for you.  Your toys and clothes and food come form my pay form work.  Even if your mother tells you it is her money, you have to know that I provide for you every day.

May God protect you and keep you safe on your travels!!!  I love you!!! 

God Is All I Need!!

IT IS SO TRUE!!!  

God is all I need.  Tonight I told my eldest daughter about my adolescent life and the troubles that I endured. I started to tell her that  I drank alcohol as a young kid.  At the age of 16 was drinking hard liquor.  I was dealing with puberty and the need to be accepted.  As I probably mentioned in a previous post, I was burned as  young toddler.  I went through multiple surgeries to correct my mouth.  As a teen, I needed to be accepted and to be loved.  I wanted to be and feel normal like any other guy in high school.  How would I know?  I needed to have a girlfriend.  By having a girl I would be accepted by her and then prove to others and myself that I was normal and just one of the other guys.  

Then in my 10th grade (high school) my sister accused my grand father of abusing her and that brought more stress as my extended family became our enemies and we had to move far away.  Yes it was like that.  As a matter of fact an uncle and two aunts came in to our apartment and threaten me and my siblings if anything happened to their father (my grand father).  I remember that I told my siblings to go into the bed room and I pulled  la large kitchen knife and walked very slowly to my uncle and aunts and told them to come in en tell me again what they said, if they did none of them would walk out.  The left faster than when they came in.

It was hard to accept that a man that i admired and loved would do such a terrible and shameful thing to my sister.  I never associated myself to these people.  Not for hate but because things would never be the same and they did not show any remorse for what they did.

I turned to alcohol to help me deal with my issues.  I later came to know Jesus Christ in a home Bible study and gave my life to Him. I was later baptized and much much later completely quit drinking.  My message to her was that issues happen and if we do not had Jesus we may make bad decisions that can make things worse than they are or could be.  

Here is a song that I love to share with you tonight!

Love and participate

The day is final winding down!!

This day was a heavy day as I had stated earlier.  The $8.07 of gas money actually helped me get home and drove about 110 miles all together!!!

It was good to be home finally and my great looking wife was waiting for me and the kids to have early dinner.  I am blessed beyond I deserve.   

Tonight I want to share about my eldest daughter Leslie.  She was looking at this blog and wondering why I never put anything about her.  One of the qualifiers for her was the amount of views this blog gets.  I showed her that I got about 304 people views today.  I was shocked but excited.  Thanks!!!

As a father I want the best for her and I have to walk a fine line between what I think is right and helping her understand that there are things that just will rip her off.  Leslie calls herself a "Belieber" and a Justin Bieber fan.  Yes I know... who cares!!!  But you see to Leslie, Justin is big, big, big deal.  I had a lot to do with this as I helped her get insane over this guy by giving her his music and such.  

Regardless of this Leslie is a good daughter, has good grades and has a solid heart for Jesus Christ... 

The following video and this blog is dedicated to Leslie...  this is the most decent song Justin has... enjoy or just bare it!!

The power of Pennies

Pennies...

Today is a challenging day since my day is full of meetings a work, tough conversations and a heavy schedule.  In addition to this, I only have one car and have a limited amount of time between taking kids to high school, arriving at work, getting everything done and heading across town to pick up my daughter from school and rush to the other side of town to pick up my eldest high school kids.

Thank God I do not have to go to my second job today. 

To add to all the drama I just stated, I  have limited gas in my car and need to stretch it to see if I can make it.  When I was leaving my house today I borrowed the jar of pennies we have been saving. I took it Walmart and got $8.07 for them.  I was able to buy 2.5 gallons of gas. This gave me 1/4 tank for the day.  I am praying and hoping that I will make it with this. My car has made it on fumes before... it will do it again!

 

One thing stays clear in my mind... God is able... so I am able...  I also read the following this morning as I arrived to work:

 

Christian, remember today that you have a Father who is mighty, strong, and perfect in every way—

always with you, always listening, always caring.

 

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you, casting all your anxieties on him, because he cares for you"

1 Peter 5:6-7.

 

Want to know how the day turned out?  Tune in later...

 

 

 

 

A glimmer of light!!

Being a father has its trials and struggles. However moments such as this one remind me of the rewards and ratification for sacrifice, faith and hope.  

My youngest daughter was recognized with the Student of the Month award by her teacher.  I was not able to be there due to the poor communication with her mother. I found out through a text message. 

Regardless of her mother's short comings... I was happy and praised God for My little one.   

Keep Eyes Focused On The Mark!

Many Distractions Come and Go... Stay Focused!!!

There are so many things going on in my life.  Sometimes everything in my head is all mixed up and I cant think clearly.  Often times I just want to lie down and try to bring order to my mind as to what is most important and to the least.

 

 

 

Priorities have to be made.  That is when I come to appreciate the Bible verse  that states God's reminding us to stay still and know that he is God. A reminder to all that no matter what happens He is in control over all of His creation and my problems.  There is no problem too hard or to big He can not handle.

In my frustration, fears and fatigue; I get to stay still and remember that God loves me and He has provided for me all of this time.  When I was burned He gave me another chance to live.  When I needed a job out of high school, He opened doors for me.  When I needed Him to help me with my heart problems He was there to make things go away.  When I did not have gas picking up my daughter from school, my car made it running on fumes right to my door step.  When I needed intervention in my workplace, He was there.

He is always there. 

I love you LORD!!!

You are always there!!!