It has been 813 days since I left your house. It has been a long time since you went through the shock of seeing your father leave the only home you ever had and watch your mother cry and finding no consolation in her arms. All you found was anger and blame in her arms. Part of me wants to say rightfully so but not today.
My little girl I love you. I left because your mother was abusive and controlling of many things. I am so sorry that I had to do this. But in looking back it is far less difficult to live this way than to see me argue and argue and argue with your mother and watch her hitting me and doing aggressive things to me like throwing things at me. Your mother denies it but you remember things, I know that you do.
I do not want you to grow thinking that it is ok to hit and abuse your husband like her.
I miss you tonight mamita!!!. I want to be with you and watch you go to sleep and try to answer your never ending questions. why? Why? Why? I miss your laughter and the way that you struggle to fall asleep. I miss you. I miss you and it hurts.
Today your mom told me she is taking you to California. I am not going to see you on Thursday. I will have to wait ten long days until I see you. I remember what you said to me last Saturday. You said that I am not there for you because when you come over I am not here because I have to work.
That really hurt my heart looking at your little face as you tried to hold back the tears and tell me I am not there for you. I do not want you to feel that way. I am so in pain to see you like that. I have no one to express my thoughts and pain. Who will listen that will understand me. This is why I am writing this open letter to you so that one day you can see it and read it and know that I love you and suffered because you are not here with me.
It is not right that while I have to go work, you are in strangers homes because your mother is also working. It is not fair that when I need to see you I have to wait for my days to come and then I have to go to work.
Life will not be this way for ever. I will do my best to get closer and closer to you. I will keep trying even if I die trying I will be closer to you. I know that you understand that I am the very thing you need to make you feel safe and taken care of. I want to be there and be your hero. I love you mamita!!! I miss you my princess. I will never stop working to be the father you need. Even if it meas that I have to fight with your mother.
Today you think your mother is the only person that buys you things. Little does your mom tell you that I pay her a nifty amount of money to provide for you. Your toys and clothes and food come form my pay form work. Even if your mother tells you it is her money, you have to know that I provide for you every day.
May God protect you and keep you safe on your travels!!! I love you!!!
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