"I am barely making ends meat!!"

In reflection of this last emotionally charged court confrontation, I am remembering these words that just continue to echo in my head:

"I am barely making ends meat!!"

The judge and people in the room do not even under stand how OUTLANDISH this statement is.  Let's run down the numbers:

Upon separating, she took $51,000 of my money from my savings.
She kept the brand new Toyota Rav4 that was paid off.
Kept all furniture, tools, jewelry and anything to everything in the house.
Took half of my retirement that at that time I had over $5000 and took half.
She kept my house that I paid $398,000 and was worth about $120,000 in the market and owed $89,000 which can be said its a difference of $25,000 in her favor. 
She has a bachelors degree because I helped her earn that degree and works a full time job.
Judge Michael Kemp awarded her $900 plus child support totaling $1650 per month.

Then in court she has the audacity to say she is barely making ends meat??? In the same court session whee I am telling the Judge that she left our daughter unsupervised with a male in his house while she went to get her nails done!!! Just barely making it??  I know people who are barely making it and do not have car, ride the bus, pick up a food box to supplement their pantry and if luck may get to go on a weekend treat to McDonald's to buy a dinner off the dollar menu.

So there she is in court working up some tears telling the judge that she is financially struggling or just surviving and yet weeks prior to the court hearing my former residence was sold for $195,000 while she owed $98,200 dollars.  Lets do the math:

$195,000   Price of Sale of the home
$ 98,200    Total mortgage owed
$106,000   Total difference after mortgage being paid
  $35,000   Taxes, Realtor fees and other needed fees paid
  $71,000   Money left over!

How many "barely making ends meat people are sitting on over $70,000 in their checking account??
I do not know of any but one; my neurotic ex-wife.

I ask myself if the church people actually know the greed this woman has?? There is so much to the neurosis of this woman!!!

To Post or Not to Post

"He is posting Derogatory things about me!"

Maricopa County Superior Court, Surprise, Arizona

There I was again in court trying to fend off one more legal maneuver form my ex-wife.  This time I took here to court to get somethings right!

First I requested to have more days with my daughter.

Second, I requested for the spousal support to be eliminated.

Third, that her boyfriend has no unsupervised time with my daughter.

That child support be adjusted.

I presented to the judge my reasons for requesting more days with Felicity.  I presented the fact that there was no absolute reason to limit me to have additional days with my daughter. Also I added that Felicity had requested these days because she missed me. I added that I have emails where my ex said Felicity missed me. The judge will look to protect my daughter's welfare and best interest. The judge gave me two more nights per week when Felicity comes to my home.

Second was the request to stop the spousal support. Due to the legal technicallity that I signed a decree, it is a legal contract and cannot be stopped unless my ex-wife is married. Many in her social circles do not know that she lives with her boyfriend. Lives with the guy and goes to church. She is not a person that honors and respects the name of Jesus Christ my savior. There is so much to be said on this topic I rather just write a series of blog entries just on this.
Third is the stop of my ex-wife's boyfriend access to my daughter unsupervised. Felicity's mother is a victim of sexual abuse by her uncle as her mother watched. It is a tragic situation as you can imagine. Having stated this, it would make sense that my ex-wife would guard Felicity like nothing else. In stead, puts Felicity in potential danger in the reach and care of a strange man while she goes to get her nails done. I would gave imagined that she would do anything to make sure the history does not repeat itself.

To my disbeleif, the judge sided with my ex-wife stating that there was no evidence this man represented a threat to Felicity and my request was denied. I disagree 100%! Felicity does not have to be a sacrificial lamb to fulfill this judge's requirements to be concerned. Its outrageous!
It is a matter of public record that I fought for my daughter and her safety. Let the public record also show that Felicity's mother faught more for my money and the access of this strange man to my prescious flower!
I will continue to fight for my daughter!

I'm out!
 

Proverbs 13

Proverbs 13

I have been experiencing changing conditions in my work place.  My pay has been cut due to the cost of health care and my employer has re-purposed me and asked me to teach different courses.  My pay has significantly been reduced and my hours have been changed.  My schedule changes have directly impacted my time to pick up my daughter on Thursdays.  My ex-wife she is difficult to work with and has a hard problem cooperating.

Proverbs 13 states the following:

2 A man shall eat well by the fruit of his mouth,
But the soul of the unfaithful feeds on violence.
3 He who guards his mouth preserves his life,
But he who opens wide his lips shall have destruction.

It is interesting because she started on of her emails but stating that she did not want me to be mad.  Mad? I am not the one with the temper issues.  Yet she starts her email this way and then goes on to say all kinds od dumb things... and calls them facts.  It is funny!! Comical!!! But yet scary. 

I was so tempted to rebuttal and clarify her misconceptions but I resisted and was reminded of the scripture above.  It is true.  I did not want to commit to statements that were going to be memorialized in an email that can and could be used against me later. 

In these changes, I have to be reminded that it is not my pride or my convenience but my daughters best interest. 

I want to do right but I struggle understanding what is right??  If I allow my ex-wife to get her way with everything, she will make sure my daughter does not see me and has a very false idea of who I am. On the other hand, fighting will only give her the impression that I am a mad lunatic and have temper issues.

The right way is being prudent!!!

15 Good understanding gains favor,
But the way of the unfaithful is hard.
16 Every prudent man acts with knowledge,
But a fool lays open his folly.

Prudent means to be wise or judicious in practical affairs; sagacious; discreet or circumspect; sober.

Prudence in this case will mean to take my time in responding to her. I do not have to address her madness and will be short clear and direct without being a jerk or offensive.

If you read this and you pray, pray for me.  

Surrendering is victory? Yes!

Surrendered yet?

Many times I have heard people tell me to surrender to The Lord. What does that really mean, seriously? 

Aside from the assumption that these people act or ask as if they themselves live a total or fulfilled surrendered life. 

The problem with this whole issue is that the pride of life and the compromise to sin holds people captive.  I know this from experience.  Not only understanding that a very poor choice has been made but then admit to God that He was offended by my sin is daunting and pride also sets in. Sin has a way of making things gray and confusing to the mind and heart. 

How then does a person surrender?

1. Reflect and admit that what you are doing is wrong. How do you know ? Well your conscience is telling you. Do you experience shame and guilt? Do you prefer no one sees your deeds? If yes, then that is what needs to be brought to the light. 

2. Bring it to The Lord... He already knows and understands your heart.  He is ready and willing to forgive you (1 John 1:9).

3. Trust that The Lord has forgiven you and He does not accuse you.  He desires to restore you to peace and fulfillment in your heart.  So that you are spiritually filled to be able to fulfill your God given purpose. 

4. Know your weaknesses.  By knowing the weaknesses you will be able to keep alert when the enemy tempts you.  By knowing the weakness, you can use your strengths to defend yourself from falling to weakness. 

5. You cannot do this alone... Pray and invite God to help you. Invite a mature Christian to assist you in prayer and accountability.  Read the word so that Gods encouragement and council is fresh in your heart and mind.

Fear the Fear

Fear....

After living so many struggles and disappointments, it becomes an automatic bi-product to live in fear.  I do not mean a phobic fear.  

But is a self doubting fear... 
Struggling to overcome the current crisis... 
Suspecting that any time another will sprout...  

Living under these conditions affects the emotional state of a man... How can vision be clear when rest and preparation is a rare luxury... 

Prayer consists of begging and supplication for mercy, grace and a helping hand... Faith is tested time and time again...  Reminds me of the time Peter called to Jesus; "Save me!" after falling into the water in the middle of the sea in a storm.... 

Save me Jesus!!!

But it is human nature to leave God out of it and adopt an attitude of self preservation.... "I got it... I will take care of it!... 

But if that was true... Really... Considering truth and reality... Why do things get messed up if I (we) "got it" or we are "handling it"?

In reality we are imperfect.. With flaws and defects... We don't got it really we don't.  

I don't got it and need God to help me get it!

I need to surrender to Jesus all things....

My brother's keeper??? Not!!

Where did every one go?

In my struggles and battles that I face, there are these moments of over load and confusion with no clarity of what is on my mind. Between a full time job and two part time jobs, it is often time difficult to keep things organized and clear. The factoring emotions while encountering unexpected obstacles and disappointments, it becomes even more of a toll.

One clear disappointment is people who call them selves a friend or a brother or sister and turn out to be far form it. In my time of need I have not had a support system. When I say I did not have one it is equal to zero. I had to literally start over. All my good friends completely forgot who I was and disregarded my character and accepted the false story that they were given by an evil person. I have started over but have found very few friends who I can consider personal Friends like in the past. Is it that I am just too picky? Do I have very high expectations? Not really!!! Not having Friends the requirements are pretty low at this moment.

Here is an example, we have friend who live in the same town and my wife has taken care for their only son since he was 6 months old and in their words, "We know that you care for him like if he was your son." We have been there for their marriage and supported them in their struggles. When they had to go to work and their son was ill, we accepted their son in the early hours of the night so that they can go to work. We have gone over their house for breakfast and they have came over for lunch and such so by this it would be easily for any one to say that we have a good friendship.

So here we are... our kids are starting high school and there is no bus transportation for them after school since they both take advantage of the tutoring and my hours have been changed and get out of work later than before. Remember we took care of the young son of the couple I just mentioned, well we asked the gal, the mother, if she would be willing to pick up our kids after school. The gal works right in the high school so it would only mean that there is no other additional driving and our kids would wait for her to leave and ride two miles to our house. The gal said yes and has done it for two weeks.

Now it seems as if we were asking them to feed, clothe and raise our kids for us. Last Saturday at a birthday party her husband wanted me to know that it was not going to happen every day and that some time they will not be able to do so. I told him that we knew that and we did not want to put any pressure on him or his wife.

This couple has just purchased a late model Toyota Camry and perhaps they do not want to over drive it? I do not know what he ask me that?? My wife said I should have asked why he was asking me that. I went to the gas station and purchased a gas card for them and asked the kids to give it to the gal so that we can compensate her for her troubles.

Now we are confused if they actually want to help us or not.

This is what I mean!!! If you are a Friend and you commit to helping a person then do so with all your heart not with developing conditions and requirements. How would it have been if when I answered the phone at 3 am in the morning and the husband is calling me to see if we can care for his son because his wife is ill and he has to go to work. What if I said to him, well I can this time but remember that we can not do this every week and make sure that you now that is only for today? That is ridiculous. There have been times when we put off our plans to care for their son because we are left with no car seat and cant drive around town with out one. We sacrifice for them and they get picky!!!

Unreliable friends and the struggle to find them it is a slow and painful process. The difficult thing is that these people are Christians and are active people in the church. It is painful to see and say this but it is true. Not all Christians are mature enough to be loving to their neighbor and to demonstrate a heart of service. It takes a mature person to deny self and serve without looking for minor details and such.

To fight or not to fight?

To fight or not to fight?

In the gospel of Matthew, it states that  Blessed are the peace makers... 

Blessed are the meek who will inherit the kingdom

Also in one of the Corinthians scriptures it states that it is not good that Christians sue each other as it gives a poor or bad testimony of the church.

But what happens when a Christian dies not abide by the scriptures? 

Does it mean I just get another slap on the cheek and live with it?

As a Christian, do I allow those who abuse and challenge me to continue? 

I feel, I believe, I know that there is a way to be peaceful, respectful but yet responsibly assertive in putting a stop to the injustice I have endured.  The way is the courts. The same weapon used against me. The laws have been a tool used against me.  The laws are available and disposable for me as we'll and any one else.  The question left in my mind is... Is  Going to court Christian? Christ-like? 

Yes! 

In this case I am not abusing but defending and exercising my right to advocate for my legal right to recover some things that were taken from me. 

I live with many regrets.  I want to resolve some of these in court...
What are they do you ask? 

Get your calculator ready!!

I have 80 days with my daughter a year.

I pay over $675 in child support.

I pay $900.00 a month in alimony for 8 years (5 more to go, total of $86,400)

Paid 50% of my retirement to my ex wife ($3,000)

Paid 50% of my IRA savings ($2500) 

Paid $3000 into my daughters college fund

The ex wife kept my $51,000 in savings 

Kept the paid off SUV 

Oh! Also my 5 bedroom house... For her and my daughter

As a church companion of my Ex stated in court... This is restitution for what you did... Out outrage!!! RESTITUTION???  They can not even spell that word!!

What was I able to keep for me after all of that?

I kept $32,000 in debt.

No where to live

No friends since the Ex slandered me

My compact car (thankfully it was paid off)

I had to pick up my clothes from the front drive way of the house. Had to tell some ladies to stop looking through my stuff thinking my stuff were freebies.

All my personal items were given to charity.

Had to pay her utilities, mortgage and food for 9 months and in Arizona during the summer Electricity is expensive!! 

To top off the list... My daughter was telling me I was going to hell and that I had abandoned her because her mom told her. 

Am I entitled to my restitution? 

At this point in time, I have made my soul searching and I am not bitter about this. I just want something... A little something that has been taken from me. 

I want to get reimbursed for my personals and mileage I spend picking up my daughter at a school 28 miles from the town we live in.  

This is not over the top! It is reasonable. 

No act of vengeance here.  

Just looking for justice!

Open Letter to My Felicity!!

It has been 813 days since I left your house.  It has been a long time since you went through the shock of seeing your father leave the only home you ever had and watch your mother cry and finding no consolation in her arms.  All you found was anger and blame in her arms.  Part of me wants to say rightfully so but not today.

My little girl I love you.  I left because your mother was abusive and controlling of many things.  I am so sorry that I had to do this.  But in looking back it is far less difficult to live this way than to see me argue and argue and argue with your mother and watch her hitting me and doing aggressive things to me like throwing things at me.  Your mother denies it but you remember things, I know that you do.

I do not want you to grow thinking that it is ok to hit and abuse your husband like her.  

I miss you tonight mamita!!!.  I want to be with you and watch you go to sleep and try to answer your never ending questions. why? Why? Why? I miss your laughter and the way that you struggle to fall asleep.  I miss you.  I miss you and it hurts.  

Today your mom told me she is taking you to California.  I am not going to see you on Thursday.  I will have to wait ten long days until I see you.  I remember what you said to me last Saturday.  You said that I am not there for you because when you come over I am not here because I have to work.  

That really hurt my heart looking at your little face as you tried to hold back the tears and tell me I am not there for you.  I do not want you to feel that way.  I am so in pain to see you like that.  I have no one to express my thoughts and pain. Who will listen that will understand me.  This is why I am writing this open letter to you so that one day you can see it and read it and know that I love you and suffered because you are not here with me.

It is not right that while I have to go work, you are in strangers homes because your mother is also working.  It is not fair that when I need to see you  I have to wait for my days to come and then I have to go to work.

Life will not be this way for ever.  I will do my best to get closer and closer to you.  I will keep trying even if I die trying I will be closer to you.  I know that you  understand that I am the very thing you need to make you feel safe and taken care of.  I want to be there and be your hero.  I love you mamita!!!  I miss you my princess.  I will never stop working to be the father you need.  Even if it meas that I have to fight with your mother.  

Today you think your mother is the only person that buys you things.  Little does your mom tell you that I pay her a nifty amount of money to provide for you.  Your toys and clothes and food come form my pay form work.  Even if your mother tells you it is her money, you have to know that I provide for you every day.

May God protect you and keep you safe on your travels!!!  I love you!!! 

God Is All I Need!!

IT IS SO TRUE!!!  

God is all I need.  Tonight I told my eldest daughter about my adolescent life and the troubles that I endured. I started to tell her that  I drank alcohol as a young kid.  At the age of 16 was drinking hard liquor.  I was dealing with puberty and the need to be accepted.  As I probably mentioned in a previous post, I was burned as  young toddler.  I went through multiple surgeries to correct my mouth.  As a teen, I needed to be accepted and to be loved.  I wanted to be and feel normal like any other guy in high school.  How would I know?  I needed to have a girlfriend.  By having a girl I would be accepted by her and then prove to others and myself that I was normal and just one of the other guys.  

Then in my 10th grade (high school) my sister accused my grand father of abusing her and that brought more stress as my extended family became our enemies and we had to move far away.  Yes it was like that.  As a matter of fact an uncle and two aunts came in to our apartment and threaten me and my siblings if anything happened to their father (my grand father).  I remember that I told my siblings to go into the bed room and I pulled  la large kitchen knife and walked very slowly to my uncle and aunts and told them to come in en tell me again what they said, if they did none of them would walk out.  The left faster than when they came in.

It was hard to accept that a man that i admired and loved would do such a terrible and shameful thing to my sister.  I never associated myself to these people.  Not for hate but because things would never be the same and they did not show any remorse for what they did.

I turned to alcohol to help me deal with my issues.  I later came to know Jesus Christ in a home Bible study and gave my life to Him. I was later baptized and much much later completely quit drinking.  My message to her was that issues happen and if we do not had Jesus we may make bad decisions that can make things worse than they are or could be.  

Here is a song that I love to share with you tonight!

Love and participate

The day is final winding down!!

This day was a heavy day as I had stated earlier.  The $8.07 of gas money actually helped me get home and drove about 110 miles all together!!!

It was good to be home finally and my great looking wife was waiting for me and the kids to have early dinner.  I am blessed beyond I deserve.   

Tonight I want to share about my eldest daughter Leslie.  She was looking at this blog and wondering why I never put anything about her.  One of the qualifiers for her was the amount of views this blog gets.  I showed her that I got about 304 people views today.  I was shocked but excited.  Thanks!!!

As a father I want the best for her and I have to walk a fine line between what I think is right and helping her understand that there are things that just will rip her off.  Leslie calls herself a "Belieber" and a Justin Bieber fan.  Yes I know... who cares!!!  But you see to Leslie, Justin is big, big, big deal.  I had a lot to do with this as I helped her get insane over this guy by giving her his music and such.  

Regardless of this Leslie is a good daughter, has good grades and has a solid heart for Jesus Christ... 

The following video and this blog is dedicated to Leslie...  this is the most decent song Justin has... enjoy or just bare it!!